Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
