He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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