I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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