I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
