Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
