needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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