Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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