She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
