every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
