i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Boobs are out for the taking
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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