Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
