god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need a beard to bite.
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