You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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