ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
