After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
