my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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