ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
