we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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