somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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