I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
