He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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