you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
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I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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