I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
