Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
