well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
