I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
