Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
false alarm, still single
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