At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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