Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize