i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
