If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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