I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
