my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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