I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
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I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
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Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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