Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize