He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
