you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
