I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
