WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
