She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
