We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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