McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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