the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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