I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
