my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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