Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
