how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
