It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She bit a glass in half.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
