Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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