I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize