Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
