I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
