Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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