it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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