you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
