If i come over, it means nothing
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
