its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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