OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
