btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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