Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
