Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
