I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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