at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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