I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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