Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
