Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
