I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
