he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
