I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
